Healing a marriage when there has been infidelity takes teamwork. The infidelity may flag a boundary issue, difficulty with a new stage of family life (such as children or aging), or possibly indicate more chronic factors within the marriage or within one of the spouses. Marital infidelity is often both a problem as well as a symptom for whatever else may be missing or not working within the marriage. On an episode of secrets being exposed over infidelity, a Nigerian lady has shared a very touching story and she needs our help in handling the terrible situation she has found herself. Below is her confession:
My reason for opening up to the world is because I know there’s someone out there who might need to learn from my mistakes. I also need advice. Please don’t just pass after reading, SAY SOMETHING! My name is Funke Afolabi, from Ondo State Nigeria, and I reside here in Lagos with my husband. I had been married for 15 years, no issue to show for it. I was so frustrated and concerned as I was nearing menopause; but to my amazement, my husband was not so bothered at all. My husband’s family began mounting so much pressure on him to take a second wife, but he refused. This made them to turn the whole table around my neck stating and fuming that I was the cause of their son’s inability to accept marrying another wife who can bear him children… they also concluded that I had held him down to my bidding with some sort of powerful magical spell.My mother-in-law was the most desperate, and, I of course understood her predicament. A friend of mine (my best friend) suggested that we opt for adoption, but my husband bluntly rejected the idea, and even threatened to break up with me if I ever mentioned it in the house again. He gave his reasons being that adopted children often come from contaminated blood lines; that since they are often abandoned children, no normal person would ever abandon his/her child for another man to raise except for prostitutes who must have been impregnated by criminals and never-do-wells. My mother-in-law later upped her game by coming to live with us in the house; and this was the very beginning of my worst nightmare. She made life a living hell for me, to the extent that I contemplated suicide, countless times.
“At this point, my best friend gave me an awkward advice. She told me to consider finding a lover, just for me to conceive, perhaps the problem might have been from my husband all these years. She even told me that it was how she gave birth to her four children… it had been her little secret all these years. I had never cheated on my husband before; have never contemplated it, ever before, and my husband was indeed a champion in bed (smiles) he sure knows how to hammer and pleasure a woman, well-well… (Lol)… But my dilemma was deeper and darker than a mirage, because I was just two years away from MENOPAUSE. For several weeks I slept and thought over it. I was in turmoil; never knew any other man except for my husband. I didn’t know how to find a man who will sleep with me, get me pregnant, and then just walk away.
“On the other hand I thought about God, but my mind was made up already. I have been faithful to both God and my husband for the past 15 years and yet no reward for it. I was fed up already with the whole gospel/morality stuff. My friend advised me to choose a man I could control so there won’t be complications later on; so I chose my housekeeper. Bayo was around 23 years, but he was too handsome and irresistible. Before then, I admired him a lot but kept to my distance. I threw my advances, but he at first rejected the offer. However, when I stepped up my offers and as well threatened to send him back to the village if he refused my advances again, he succumbed to me. Bayo was so good in bed that he soon wiped the memories of my husband’s touch from my lustful mind. I lost control of myself, as we had sex every day, including weekends, for two months. I soon forgot the main reason for my escapade and started enjoying my unholy relationship with him. As the second month passed, I began to notice changes in my body. I later found out from diagnosis that I was more than a month pregnant. At first, I told my friend before telling my husband. And then I also informed her that I had been doing it with Bayo my house boy all these while. She was mad at me and advised me again to dispose of him (as in find some way of killing him), her reasons were that the boy was too risky a loose-end for me to keep, since he was an insider, and might somehow find out that I had his child, later in the future. I tried for several days, dauntlessly on several occasions to poison Bayo, but something held me back. I felt I was in love with him, and so I informed my best friend.
“She offered to assist me with that, and the next morning, two assassins came to the house in form of armed robbers, and made away with my car, but they shot Bayo thrice, in the process (which of course was their main objective). Bayo subsequently died as a result of the bullet wounds as one of the bullets got him by the chest. I was not happy. I did not ask her to kill my lover-boy oooo. She only told me she was going to whisk him away to exile for good. I broke my relationship with Titilayo my best friend, from that very day. But I never told my husband what happened between me and Bayo or what even led to his death.
I noticed that my husband was so aggrieved about Bayo’s death but I didn’t bother to ask why. I was in the 7th month of my pregnancy by then. So, one early morning, my husband woke me up. He looked very disturbed and depressed. I asked him what the matter was, but he knelt down before me and said that he had a big confession to make. “Honey I am so sorry, I have not been telling you the truth all these years” I was confused… what truth is he talking about? I became curious…. Could it be that I am not the only one hiding secrets after all? And then he began his confession: “Baby, many years ago I live a very rough life in the university. I had contracted an STD and was too ashamed to go to the hospital. I opted for a local concoction instead, but later when I left the university, I had some medical complications…. The untreated virus had already damaged my testicles and rendered me impotent forever. “
What! Honey?” I couldn’t contain my shock! Knowing what I had done already, I didn’t know how best to express myself at that point. But my husband calmed me down, adding that he had another confession. “Baby, please forgive me I didn’t know how to tell you all these years. But earlier before the infection, my girlfriend then in school too, got pregnant for me. I gave her money to abort the fetus but she refused. I broke the relationship afterwards, but nine months later she brought a baby boy to my mother during the long break. I couldn’t reject the baby this time, and so my parents accepted to take the responsibility while I completed my schooling. It was the same girl that gave me the STD because she died few years later as a result of complications too.” At this point I felt my husband was drifting away from his confession, as I was not interested in what happened to the woman who got pregnant for him. I was only concerned about the well-being of the boy, so I asked him; “Honey, it’s okay… I forgive you. But how is the boy now and where has he been all these years? “ My husband paused for a very long time…. But after few moments he opened up again… “Honey, he has been living with us. He was Bayo our house boy… I didn’t want you to know his true identity. I was afraid you might maltreat him or even kill him like most women do to children who’re born into their matrimonial homes from another woman. I wanted to protect him since I wasn’t going to be able to get a woman pregnant in my lifetime again…” and then he began to cry like a baby.
I froze to the spot. I didn’t know what to say or do anymore. Then to crown it all, my husband said; “Dear, Please. I am not angry with you. I knew all these while that the baby in your womb is not my own. But I was too ashamed to confront you. Now that everything has come to the open, Please tell me, who is the father of our unborn child?” For hours, I couldn’t say a single word to my husband. I didn’t know how to start my own confession either. How do I possible admit that I really cheated on him repeatedly, under his very nose… and how do I even admit that I did it with his own son? Worst still, how do I possibly tell him that it was my fault that his son is dead? Please readers, advise me. I don’t know what to do. I’m currently contemplating suicide; should I go ahead with it or should I just confess? I am so scared. Please help me.”.. .
If this confession was of benefit to you, please kindly encourage the writer by sharing with family and friends. God bless…
Source: Kenyan Weekly